House Fire

True story from December, 2008:

So, last night I got the following phone call:
Me: “Hello!”
My sister Emily (In tears): “Mom and dad’s house is on fire!!!”
Me: “Oh my God, I’ll be right over.”
Click.

My Big Drug Bust

True story from 2005:

The ATF has nothing on me.

I once ran my very own drug bust.