Texts from My Husband: Anniversary Edition

Time to play another round of Texts From My Husband. By now my friends know the drill- my husband sends me random texts. Most of them are vulgar. Some are just funny in that he chose texting as the method of communication. Anyway, here’s my anniversary edition.

My Impending Divorce

The good news is I’m not getting a divorce. The bad news is, this means several people who made bets on this day three years ago just lost some money. At least their NCAA brackets will probably work out…oh, yeah, never mind…

Today, March 29, was my anniversary. The celebration of that blessed day in 2008 when Adam and I decided we were too lazy/codependent to find someone else.

We have friends and family who seem to think we are headed for certain divorce. In honor of our anniversary, I’d like to take a moment to put these scathing rumors to rest and prove that the evidence of our demise is based on faulty interpretation.

Fun With Poachers

(Not this kind of poaching.)

Today I was exposed to the seedy underbelly of the direct selling industry: poaching.

Unidentified Fluids: My STL Mardi Gras Recap

It’s Mardi Gras! And here’s my recap of the weekend. Let’s start with my St. Louis Mardi Gras pros and cons.

Pros- Catching beads during the parade, Tasty food, Fun music, Ice cold Hurricanes, People-watching

Cons- Being too short to catch any beads during the parade, Vomit on the sidewalks, Foul port-a-potties, Numb hands from holding cold drinks in winter weather, Actually talking to aforementioned people

A Milestone

When I was in junior high, and may have weighed 100 pounds, I began to think I was fat because a boy coined my nickname: “Heifer Hafner.”

Twelve-year-old boys are real assholes.