Texts From My Husband: Emergency Poop!

Driving while intexticated.

My favorite texts from my husband are the random thoughts, questions and FYIs he sends without prompting. It’s been a while since I posted any texts from my husband, so here are a few from December/January.

Just got a 100% on my airport safety class. Suck it, terrorists.

Nuggets, Anyone?

Did I really go an entire month without a single blog entry? Perhaps I’ve just been too busy kicking ass with my Cradle List to write about it.  But I’ll get to that in a minute. First, to recap the escapades of May.

May 3: I’m driving home from work minding my own business when –

Oh my God, what the crap is that smell? It’s in my mucous membranes! I can’t breathe. I might throw up on my steering wheel! Are those pouches of Dinty Moore being strewn across the highway? Oh no! I’m hitting one. It just splattered all over my undercarriage!

Texts from My Husband: Anniversary Edition

Time to play another round of Texts From My Husband. By now my friends know the drill- my husband sends me random texts. Most of them are vulgar. Some are just funny in that he chose texting as the method of communication. Anyway, here’s my anniversary edition.

My Impending Divorce

The good news is I’m not getting a divorce. The bad news is, this means several people who made bets on this day three years ago just lost some money. At least their NCAA brackets will probably work out…oh, yeah, never mind…

Today, March 29, was my anniversary. The celebration of that blessed day in 2008 when Adam and I decided we were too lazy/codependent to find someone else.

We have friends and family who seem to think we are headed for certain divorce. In honor of our anniversary, I’d like to take a moment to put these scathing rumors to rest and prove that the evidence of our demise is based on faulty interpretation.

Texts From My Husband: Your Stuff’s on the Lawn

Sorry.

Last week, I introduced a new category of blog posts: Texts From My Husband.

It was very well received.

I have been getting a lot of requests from my friends to share more texts. So here they are, random texts from the past week, including one from this morning on my way to work.

Texts From My Husband

Warning: This post involves some very highbrow humor, perhaps too highbrow for some. If you don’t like poop jokes, you should probably check my blog on a different day.

The Joy of Meat and Manliness

I love you.

Once I left my Twitter account open on my cell phone and my husband tweeted the following: “I wish I was as cool as my husband. He is better than me at everything.”