Texts from My Husband: Anniversary Edition Redux

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Happy Anniversary.

Today was my four-year anniversary. It was pretty bad-ass. I forgot about it and I told a friend she could stay at my house for a couple of days. Then Adam had to work late. So yeah, things got pretty romantic up in here.

My gift to him? A bag of Twizzlers Pull ‘n Peel, a bag of Reese’s Eggs and a Lowe’s gift card. His gift to me? Flowers and a big wad of cash to put toward resetting/sizing my wedding ring. He always kicks ass with gifts and outdoes me every year. (It’s kind of awesome.)

To celebrate our ever-enduring love, I’d like to relive some of my favorite texts from my husband from the past year.

Just got a 100% on my airport safety class. Suck it, terrorists.

I’m going to eat ice cream cake for breakfast.

I just saw a lady riding an unicycle for exercise. She was doing arm circles. 

(at the dentist) Got nitrous for the first time. I was so relaxed I almost peed myself.

I had a dream we were getting divorced. When I woke up I threw all of your stuff on the front lawn. Then I remembered it was just a dream. Sorry.

And here’s a few recent ones:

I have a headache so bad, I’m going to buy a chainsaw and cut my head off. Don’t worry. I’ll do it in the driveway so you’ll just have to hose it off.

You’re bringing me down. I might as well call you “Fox News.”

Forecast for Saturday is calling for meat. And lots of it.

Damn, diapers are expensive. I should have just bought them a 5-gallon bucket and cut some foot holes and attached suspenders.

Happy Anniversary to the man who makes me LOL all over myself.

PS – I really think you should get on Twitter.

Texts From My Husband: Emergency Poop!

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Driving while intexticated.

My favorite texts from my husband are the random thoughts, questions and FYIs he sends without prompting. It’s been a while since I posted any texts from my husband, so here are a few from December/January.

Just got a 100% on my airport safety class. Suck it, terrorists. More

Texts from My Husband: Anniversary Edition

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Time to play another round of Texts From My Husband. By now my friends know the drill- my husband sends me random texts. Most of them are vulgar. Some are just funny in that he chose texting as the method of communication. Anyway, here’s my anniversary edition. More

Texts From My Husband: Your Stuff’s on the Lawn

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Sorry.

Last week, I introduced a new category of blog posts: Texts From My Husband.

It was very well received.

I have been getting a lot of requests from my friends to share more texts. So here they are, random texts from the past week, including one from this morning on my way to work. More

Texts From My Husband

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Warning: This post involves some very highbrow humor, perhaps too highbrow for some. If you don’t like poop jokes, you should probably check my blog on a different day. More

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