March 29, 2012
texts from my husband
Adam, anniversary, diapers, husband, marriage, meat, texts from my husband, wedding
Today was my four-year anniversary. It was pretty bad-ass. I forgot about it and I told a friend she could stay at my house for a couple of days. Then Adam had to work late. So yeah, things got pretty romantic up in here.
My gift to him? A bag of Twizzlers Pull ‘n Peel, a bag of Reese’s Eggs and a Lowe’s gift card. His gift to me? Flowers and a big wad of cash to put toward resetting/sizing my wedding ring. He always kicks ass with gifts and outdoes me every year. (It’s kind of awesome.)
To celebrate our ever-enduring love, I’d like to relive some of my favorite texts from my husband from the past year.
Just got a 100% on my airport safety class. Suck it, terrorists.
I’m going to eat ice cream cake for breakfast.
I just saw a lady riding an unicycle for exercise. She was doing arm circles.
(at the dentist) Got nitrous for the first time. I was so relaxed I almost peed myself.
I had a dream we were getting divorced. When I woke up I threw all of your stuff on the front lawn. Then I remembered it was just a dream. Sorry.
And here’s a few recent ones:
I have a headache so bad, I’m going to buy a chainsaw and cut my head off. Don’t worry. I’ll do it in the driveway so you’ll just have to hose it off.
You’re bringing me down. I might as well call you “Fox News.”
Forecast for Saturday is calling for meat. And lots of it.
Damn, diapers are expensive. I should have just bought them a 5-gallon bucket and cut some foot holes and attached suspenders.
Happy Anniversary to the man who makes me LOL all over myself.
PS – I really think you should get on Twitter.
March 31, 2011
farm, husband, texts from my husband
anniversary, big toe, coonskin cap, farm, ninja, raccoon trap, raccoons, texting, texts from my husband
Time to play another round of Texts From My Husband. By now my friends know the drill- my husband sends me random texts. Most of them are vulgar. Some are just funny in that he chose texting as the method of communication. Anyway, here’s my anniversary edition. More
March 29, 2011
anniversary, ass, asses, divorce, husband, marriage, sarcasm, separate bedrooms, wedding
The good news is I’m not getting a divorce. The bad news is, this means several people who made bets on this day three years ago just lost some money. At least their NCAA brackets will probably work out…oh, yeah, never mind…
Today, March 29, was my anniversary. The celebration of that blessed day in 2008 when Adam and I decided we were too lazy/codependent to find someone else.
We have friends and family who seem to think we are headed for certain divorce. In honor of our anniversary, I’d like to take a moment to put these scathing rumors to rest and prove that the evidence of our demise is based on faulty interpretation. More
March 25, 2010
life, true stories
anniversary, honesty, husband, love, pants
I’ve heard it’s hard to find an honest man these days. I, on the other hand, am fortunate enough to be married to one. When I describe him as honest, I mean he is brutally, gut-wrenchingly honest. And I totally love him for it.
A couple of weeks ago, I bought a new pair of trousers to wear to work. On my way out the door on the first day I was wearing them, my husband was kind enough to inform me, without prompting, that the pants made me look fat. “They just make you look really poofed out in front,” he explained, presumably to lessen the blow.
That’s right ladies, back off. This smooth-talker is mine. More