Don’t Get Sick on the Police Officer

It all started with a trip to my favorite Chinese restaurant on Thursday night.

Friday morning I felt a slight stomachache coming on, so at lunchtime I popped over to the local Wal-Mart to grab some Pepto-Bismol. With Pepto in hand, I realized that I was already too late. Before I even knew what was happening, I was in the foul bathroom emptying my stomach contents all over the handicapped commode.

My day was only beginning to get bad.

I texted my boss to let him know I would not be returning to work and started to drive home. I knew my stomach was not finished with me yet, so I raced, I mean literally raced back to Florissant to get to the comfort of my own bathroom.

Of course the O’Fallon Police Department had other plans for me. They had several police cars running radar Friday in an effort to “crackdown on speeders” (ie. city fundraiser). Well, I pulled over and handed my info to the officer, asking politely if I could get out of the car.

“Why do you need to get out of the car?” he asked.”I think I might throw up,” I replied. I started having terrible visions of projectile vomiting all over this cop. I wondered if that would get me arrested for assault on an officer.

“Are you sick?” he asked, apparently not noticing my ashen skin and perspiration.

“Yes, I’m on my way home from work,” I said, battling my gag reflex.

“Where do you work?” he inquired, as though we were making small talk.At this point I could not believe I was even having a conversation with this officer. Did he really want to have this conversation with me while I was on the verge of losing my lunch?

In his defense, he was probably skeptical of the whole situation. I mean, it does make a likely story for an excuse. Pretend you’re sick to get out of a ticket. But, at that point, I really did not care about the ticket. I just did not want to puke on my steering wheel.

“I guess if you need to get out, you can get out,” he informed me. I got out and walked over to the shoulder where I proceeded to heave several times, kneel on the gravel and try not to pass out. At that point I was so dizzy I really just wanted to lie down. He was still in his car writing my information, and didn’t seem to be in any hurry, so I got back in my car and leaned my seat back for what seemed like forever until he returned with my ticket for speeding.

I drove a few more minutes before pulling over again for fear that I would pass out at the wheel. Fortunately my dad and sister were able to come and drive my car home. I spent the rest of the evening involuntarily ridding my body of whatever parasitic Chinese food was left in me before finally passing out on the couch.

It was probably one of the worst weekends I’ve had in a while, but at least I didn’t barf on a cop.

The good news is it isn’t the Swine Flu. The bad news is I have a court date now.

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