What I Spilled Today

I spill a lot.

Mostly I spill food and beverages on myself, but sometimes I spill on other people, computer hardware, my car, cell phones, furniture, well, you get the picture…..

Once I spilled coffee on an employer-issued laptop about one week after signing a document promising I would not eat or drink anything within 20 feet of it. Once I spilled Mexican refried beans on myself…two days in a row. Once I fell over a baby gate (for my dogs) while carrying a plate full of a freshly assembled taco. Ok, that last one wasn’t so much a traditional spill, but I am very clumsy while even carrying food too.

I even manage to spill non-food items. A couple months ago, I was wearing an amazing vintage beaded necklace. Halfway through the day, the string broke and the beads all spilled down my shirt. I was reaching into my bra to remove each individual bead when a coworker walked by my office and suggested I close the door next time I wanted to feel myself up.

I’ve decided to start a new series of blog entries called “What I Spilled Today.” Each time I suffer the embarrassment of clothing stains or property destruction, I will post it here. (While I’m at it, I might as well add a category of “What I Broke Today.”) Let’s see how much damage I do in a typical year.

Let’s start with today: I work in the corporate headquarters of a direct-sales company that manufactures nutritional shakes for independent distribution. The products are awesome, so naturally, the company provides them in the break room. I usually have one nutritional shake per day. I try to chug it quickly to avoid the powder settling on the bottom of the glass. Today, while chugging, I spilled some shake all over myself. I cleaned up quickly, however, once my shirt dried, it reappeared. The shakes have a creamy beige color. The problem is that the coloring looks exactly like breast milk and I spilled it on my, um, left chest area in particular.

So, for the rest of the day, I got to look like I was lactating.

A colleague was kind enough to offer to let me have one of her leftover breast pads. I think I need to strap one to my chin.

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