The Worst Thing I Ever Saw

This past Saturday I witnessed the worst thing I have ever seen. And I really feel like if I don’t blog about it, this memory will surely haunt my dreams. I need to get it out. I need to share this story as a public service to others out there who may one day witness a similar horror. And I offer this disclaimer. If you are easily disgusted or have a weak stomach, please do not read on. I would never, could never make something so horrible up, and I assure you this story is 100% true. If you wish to continue reading, know this:

I warned you.

It all started with the wedding of one of my husband’s best friends in the whole world. We will call him Ike.* His fiance (now wife) is Karen.* They are lovely people and they make a wonderful couple. But this story isn’t about them or their beautiful wedding. It is about what happened after the wedding.

It was about 1am and we were at the post-nuptial celebration at a bar next door to our hotel with several other wedding guests including a couple of bridesmaids. You know how there is always one bridesmaid at every wedding who is an absolute trainwreck? You know, the one you feel the need to have an intervention with before the food is even served? Well, let’s just say Trainwreck* came to party that night. In addition to the bridesmaids were a few gentlemen. Several of the fine gentlemen were “dipping” or using chewing tobacco. I find the act to be rather vile myself as it requires one to spit incessantly.

Trainwreck was all over my husband’s good friend Marlie* who is nothing but a gentleman in all aspects. Based on the grabbing and grinding, I could tell Marlie had every intention of politely walking Trainwreck back to her hotel room when the evening was over, maybe shaking her hand goodnight, and ending the evening like a gentleman surely would.

Come closing time, the bouncer started making his rounds to herd the drunks out of the place. Trainwreck took this as her cue to start grabbing every leftover beer bottle and shot glass, swiftly gulping each one. Maybe she thought it would be wasteful if she didn’t down the rest of the alcohol at the table. Maybe she didn’t want to risk coming out of her blackout. Whatever the reason, it was a bad idea. As she pounded the remnants of each glass, I watched in horror as she grabbed the dip spit cup, swigged it down, and proceeded to the next glass of vodka. It was truly the worst thing I have ever seen.

*all names are fake to protect the innocent

One comment

  1. Wow. WOW. I’m impressed. She just moved on to vodka? That’s pretty hardcore. I would think projectile vomiting would be the next move.

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