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This Halloween is going to be the scariest ever. I have compiled a list of the top 5 things that scare the shit out of me. Don’t judge me.

"I want a bottle...of human flesh."

Number 5: Novelty Zombie Babies

I typically love anything zombie-related. As someone who wants to live when the Zombie Apocalypse happens, I think it is important to know as much as I can. But these babies are where I draw the line. I first saw these a few years back at a Halloween store and hoped to God they wouldn’t catch on. Now, they are everywhere. I can hardly go into a Halloween store without freaking out over a display of these monstrosities. How am I supposed to pick out a slutty border patrol costume if I can’t even get past the first display without pissing my pants in fear?

Number 4: Tree Faces

Old trees are creepy enough without putting faces on them, ok? My mother-in-law has these on some of her trees out at the farm. One of them is facing into a window on the way to the bathroom. Being out in the middle of rural Missouri is scary enough without having a tree with a human face staring at me while I head to the toilet in the middle of the night – (again with the pants-wetting)…Hmm, that might be a fear of mine as well…a post for a different day.

Look at all the adorable varieties!

Number 3: Chucky

Yeah, I get that the idea behind this is a certain level of comedy. But if you were five years old when the movie came out and subsequently saw bits of it on HBO when your parents were not in the room, you can imagine that the humor is lost on me. Besides, there is nothing scarier than dolls, as you will see in #1.

The 80's Are Coming For you!

 

Number 2: Baby Corn

I don’t eat anything with “baby” as an ingredient, much less the name of the food. I get it. It’s cute, tender and arguably delicious. I don’t care that it isn’t really mutant corn, just real corn picked at at early stage. There is just something about these tiny cobs that just isn’t right.

Don't Eat Me

And the number 1 scary thing…..

Number 1: “Time Out” or “Hide and Seek” Dolls

Google “time out dolls” and you will see just what true horror really is. The first time I ever saw one of these was in my husband’s parents’ house. It was dark, and as I entered the living room there was this “child” standing in the corner.  My mother-in-law even moves him around. So one day the kid is in the corner, and the next day he might be next to your bed. Not cool. But the scariest part about these creepy little bastards is the people who make them. That’s right. Hit up a craft fair or country store and you will find these handmade treasures and the humans behind them. Trust me, this is a horror movie you do not want to see.

"Ready or Not, Here I Come..."

Happy Halloween, everyone.

11 thoughts on “My Top 5 Scary Things

  1. Cute…

    I have seen the zombie babies and I agree they are scary. There are just some lines that shouldn’t be crossed.

    I have seen the Chuckie movies and I appreciate the humor, but I wasn’t 5 yrs old when it came out either.

    Trees with faces…Those are pretty creepy. I was sitting in my basement the other day waiting for the washer to finish so I could put my clothes in the dryer and I looked over under the table down there and saw a face looking back at me, clear as day. Upon closer examination, it was just words on a duffle bag. I went back to my business of laundry and looked back over the face magically, or hauntingly, reappeared.

    Baby corn…I only recently started eating it (especially at HUHOT! They are arguably delicious when cooked on the Mongolian bbq grill. YUMMO!

    I had one of the time out dolls and bought one for my mom who loves dolls. She had a collection of Barbie’s that would impress! I called them “Pouty-dolls”. I admit it did feel a little weird packing a life-sized doll in a box and wrapping it up for the mail. I wonder what would have happened if the post office had the same x-ray scanners that the airports have. That would be funny!

  2. Judy, there are sick people in this world, even sicker than me.
    Thank you, Pam. I love the visual of the dolls getting confiscated at airport security.
    And, Angela, I don’t have time to teach you how to comment on a blog.

  3. I never thought about the time out dolls being scary before, but now that I think of it, I totally agree. Especially if someone is moving them around the house. I think the mystery of what’s on the other side of their bodies adds to the discomfort. Do they even have faces on the other side?

  4. The “Time Our Dolls”! The mother of our former nanny used to make those things. She offered to make “copies” of my children using their toddler clothes. Creeped me out completely!

  5. Pingback: 4 More Scary Things « Annie Was Here

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