The 3 Unfortunate Black Friday Shopping Types

So this is Christmas. Well, Black Friday anyway. (Note, my husband says it is more politically correct to refer to it as African American Friday, but I’ve never been very PC.)

I’ve been shopping the Black Friday deals for years now. I always enjoy the adrenaline rush I get from getting a $10 cashmere sweater or some buy one get one free DVDs. It is over the past few years that I have noticed there are definitely a few personality types that love Black Friday. In fact, I often wonder if I am really just as thrilled by the unique holiday people-watching as the doorbuster deals. Here’s my breakdown of the people to watch out for next holiday season.

  1. Mr. Christmas. Santa Hat? Check. Jingle bell necklace? Check. Christmas tree sweater? Check. This guy is typically singing, or more often than not, humming at full volume so as to spread the Christmas cheer to everyone else standing within earshot in the line wrapping around Target an hour before it opens. He knows everyone appreciates his off-key rendition of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and inspired choice of wardrobe.

    "Who's ready for doorbuster deals?"
  2. The Hoarder. If there is a particularly enticing doorbuster deal available, she is the first one to make it to the pile. Then, she grabs as many of them as possible. Throwing elbows and boxing out basketball style help her stake claim to the prize. She’s a lot like Gollum in her unrelenting pursuit of the “precious.”Whatever happens, it is important for her not to let anyone else get one. Even if it means sitting on the floor in the middle of the aisle, surrounding herself with $3 toasters while foaming at the mouth and yelling, “These are mine, all of them. Get away! My sister is coming with a cart! I’ll cut you!”

    "Mine! All mine!"
  3. Spaceman. (Personal Space Man that is.) This guy has no concept of the invisible boundary that surrounds every individual.He will sidle up to you in any line situation. You can usually detect this guy by the feeling of hot breath and the smell of yesterday’s turkey gravy being emitted from his pores. You move an inch. He moves an inch. He has to be within 4.5 inches of at least one other human being. He craves human contact.

    Ron Artest and Kobe Bryant have a problem with personal space.

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