Texts From My Husband

Warning: This post involves some very highbrow humor, perhaps too highbrow for some. If you don’t like poop jokes, you should probably check my blog on a different day.

My husband is one of very few people who can actually make me laugh.

I’ve always been drawn to funny people. In my opinion, you can be smart without being funny, but it is impossible to be funny without being smart. I really prefer smart people to dumb ones.

Every now and then, my husband sends me a random (often vulgar) text message that kills me. To kick off a new series of delightful posts, here is a collection of random, 100% unsolicited and 100% real texts from my husband over the past week or so:


Jan. 3: I’ve had a really exhausting day. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t bitch about me being lazy and not helping out. Thanks.

Jan. 13: Had to come inside. I thought I pooped myself. I didn’t though.

Jan. 19: After being at the farm so much, I am still having a hard time not walking out and pulling out my weiner to pee outside.

Jan. 20: Shadoobie.

Jan. 26: To start a blog, do you just go to wordpress and follow directions?

Jan. 26: Dish Network installation guy is taking a dump…He asked. I don’t care.

The hilarity will continue too. In addition to this exciting new category, my husband just informed me today that he has started his own blog. I’m pretty excited about it.


    • Yes. Yes they are…although I debated whether to share the topic of poop here because I thought it might be too highbrow for my readers. Good news: it’s not!

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