My Impending Divorce

The good news is I’m not getting a divorce. The bad news is, this means several people who made bets on this day three years ago just lost some money. At least their NCAA brackets will probably work out…oh, yeah, never mind…

Today, March 29, was my anniversary. The celebration of that blessed day in 2008 when Adam and I decided we were too lazy/codependent to find someone else.

We have friends and family who seem to think we are headed for certain divorce. In honor of our anniversary, I’d like to take a moment to put these scathing rumors to rest and prove that the evidence of our demise is based on faulty interpretation.

Item 1: We sleep in separate bedrooms.

Mine. All mine.

Gasp! The horror!

Yes. We do. In fact, when we eventually build our dream home, we want to include a plan for a master suite with two separate bedrooms. It has nothing to do with not loving each other. It has to do with quality of sleep. We both love our personal space. We like to move around and sprawl out in bed. When we spend the night in our little “cabin” at the farm, which only has room for one bed, it is just awful.

I love having my own bedroom. I can snore, kick my feet, fart unabashedly, hog covers, read a book, pretty much whatever I want, without disturbing him.

The point is, sleeping in separate bedrooms is not always a sign that a marriage is on the rocks. So cool it.

Item 2: We make fun of each other. A lot.

A friend once called us The Bickersons during a particularly intense call-out session. The thing is, we are both funny.  (Ok, we disagree on which one of us is funnier, but that’s just because we have two very different styles of humor.) Anyway, with such easy targets within reach, it makes sense that we make fun of each other all the time. Low-hanging fruit, right?

And most of the time, we’re teaming up to make fun of other people anyway. So sarcasm is really a way for us to bond. Gotta keep that romance alive.

Conclusion: I used to worry that other people would judge us, and some did. But now, I figure if they care enough to talk about us, it just means Adam and I are a hot topic. Which means we’re really popular, right?

Two asses.

I love my husband. He is a total bad ass. And he loves me because I too, am a bad ass. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re just a couple of asses trying to make our way in this world.


  1. Thanks for sharing!!! I don’t know what I’ll do when Ryan and I get hitched, I need my sleep!!! I should have my own room too!

  2. I can’t believe it has been 3 years! Congrats guys and glad to hear you still like each other:) not everyone is so lucky as you (and me).

  3. Was it just me who saw the ad directly beneath the blog for family law attorneys with my own hometown’s link? Divorce, Child Custody, Support, Sympathetic Legal Help

    Or Annie, did you do that, you joker you!

    Enjoyed the column.

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