Time to play another round of Texts From My Husband. By now my friends know the drill- my husband sends me random texts. Most of them are vulgar. Some are just funny in that he chose texting as the method of communication. Anyway, here’s my anniversary edition.
March 29, 2011
Husband: Happy anniversary. I cut my big toe in half. I love you.
Me: That’s an interesting gift.
Husband: It hurts so bad.
As it turned out, he did indeed nearly cut his big toe in half. He still doesn’t know exactly how it happened. He was swinging his legs out of bed to get up and as he described it, “must have done some kind of hardcore ninja move” and hit the dresser with his big toe, slicing it halfway off.
Even in his injured state, he still managed to surprise the hell out of me with the best anniversary gift ever. Many wives have a “honey do” list. Mine is a “nagging broad” list. It has had several items on it for months. Yesterday he did every single thing on the list, proving he totally kicks ass at not only ninja moves, but also to-do lists.
March 25, 2011
He was at the farm. I was at home in STL.
Husband: There’s a raccoon in the barn.
Me: Oh Shit!
Husband: Trap is set. Now I wait. I went in strapped but I had no visual. (Note: “strapped” apparently means carrying lots of guns.)
Me: I’m scared. Don’t get rabies.
Husband: Don’t worry. I won’t come home with any diseases. This critter has met his match.
The trap has been set all week. He plans to go back to the farm tomorrow and will find out whether the cat food and tuna was enticing enough to catch that bastard.
If it was, I’m making a coonskin cap.